Paranoia, self-destroyer…

OK, so I am fine.  Better than fine.  I have a clean bill of health from every doctor and health care professional that I have been in contact with in the last few days.  So why do I feel so paranoid that something ELSE is going to happen??????  I went into work for a few hours today to try and tie up loose ends so that I could stay home for the next few days and be calm.  Collected.  Without worry or care.  I felt like I couldn’t breathe until I got there…then I calmed down.  Anxiety?  Yikes, with anxiety like this who needs a heart incident!!!!???

Anyway, I am home now and seem to be fine.  I know that everyone probably does this.  You have a health scare of some ilk.  And after it is all over, the adrenaline’s g0ne and you are not being monitored 24/7 by a nurse, you begin to question everything.  A little pain in the shoulder….IS IT A HEART ATTACK?  Shortness of breath—-SHOULD I PAY ATTENTION TO THIS?????  A cramp in your foot—COULD IT BE SOMETHING SERIOUS????!!!  And on and on.  Boy, do I need a yoga break.  Time for me to meditate on what is important and necessary and real.  And love.  I need to drink a little of that in and send a whole bunch out.

In unrelated news, 2 of my students were chosen as finalists in the Alpaca Owners and Breeders Association Fiber to Fashion Student Design Competition.  This means that they and I will be going to Las Vegas in January.  (cue Frank in the background)  You can check out the competition from last year at

http://www.alpacafashion.com

So, I think I’m going to go forth and do something boring until it is time to pick up D & Z at school.  It is all foggy and drizzly here—I understand that TN may get a bit of ice tonight.  Stay safe and warm:-)

BTW…I have been promising to post photos for a while now.  I am going there now to DO IT.  On Flickr—lgannsmi if you are interested.

Heart’s a thumpin’

I am home now and all is well, but many people are concerned–especially since we had to cancel our G’ville holiday brunch on Sunday—so here is what happened:

I was sitting at my desk in my office on Thursday morning, checking email, when my heart started to race.  I mean, it was really thumping and feeling really shaky.  I thought,  WEIRD, but I also thought it would probably pass, so I just continued to do my thing, man.  I had a student coming in for an early exam and I thought, I’ll just wait until after that and if I still feel freaky, I’ll go to the doctor.

Well, the exam came and went, and I was still feeling really shaky and my heart was beating all weird, so I drove myself to the doctor’s office and asked to have my blood pressure checked.  The nurse took me back and she was checking the blood pressure—she kept re-pumping the cuff and her eyes kept getting bigger and bigger (no poker face at all!) and finally she said, “I’m going to go get the doctor”—long story shorter, my blood pressure was way up, my pulse was something like 167 and they called an ambulance to take me to the hospital.  ( I called David and he met me there)

I will spare you most of the gory details, but will give you the big talking points:

1.  I had atrial fibrillation–an electrical glitch that made my heart beat irregularly.

2.  They don’t know what caused my problem–it is likely that I inherited a predisposition for this from someone in my family.

3.  They thought that they would have to put me to sleep and de-fibrillate me, but I “converted” back to a normal sinus rhythm at about 1:19 yesterday without that intervention.

4.  They kept me overnight again at the hospital just to be sure that I was going to stay in a normal rhythm.

5.  There is really nothing I can do to prevent this—it is something that will probably just happen—maybe today, maybe not until 5-6 years from now.  I should avoid caffeine and alcohol, as these can be triggers.

6.  This sucks.

So, I am fine.  A bit tired as my heart has been working as if I had been on a treadmill for about 20 hours, but fine nonetheless.  I am supposed to take  it easy for a few days and just do whatever it feels OK to do.

To those of you who were going to come to the brunch, I’m really sorry–perhaps we can do it sometime around the first of the new year.  To those of you in TN, I will see you in a few days.  I’ll be the one with my feet up, drinking grape juice and thanking my lucky stars.